Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Tomato Dictatorship

So, work's started up, today it really begins in earnest. A (nearly) 8 hour day. And I know it's silly, but I hate working nights because I miss my shows. I know that sounds obsessive and maybe it is a little, but I love watching great shows and learning more about how to be a good actor from the actors I watch. So, I'm going to try and talk to the person who does the schedules and ask for weeknights off, at least Monday, Tuesday, and Friday.

On the acting front, we're having a girls only rehearsal next week (supposedly) and it'll be interesting to discuss this play from a strictly feminine point of view, especially with how women are talked about and treated in the context of the story. The read-throughs and more in-depth talks have been going great. Got some stuff to think about for my character, how she's feeling at each line, what her deeper motivations are.

All right, I'll stop before I go in an hours long rant about delving into a character's psyche. Maybe next time, lieblngs. *wink*

P.S. This totally counts towards NaNo if I say it does. And it does. So say we all.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Reading Through

Well, the firest read-through of The Dark Things happened on Sunday and I gotta say, I'm feeling pretty chuffed about this group. Our actual reading and ability to act without moving (much) was great, but the feedback we all came up with and the insights people shared and discovered were inspiring.

I was glad the discourse got me into it, because the music the author provided...well, it sounds like it fits in perfectly with the feel of the play's setting but it disturbed me. I mean, so does the play, but the music had a deeper effect. I didn't listen all the way through any of the songs, they creeped me out (this from the girl who plays "Sympathy for the Devil" and "Oh Death" incessantly some days). But I get the way the playwright, Rachel (a part of the rehearsals, which is awesome), sees The Thing and its way of moving and speaking.

I'm definitely feeling good about this show and the way we're going about it. Looking forward to introductions (official ones anyway) at the next rehearsal!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Revving Up

So, I know I've let this blog lag a bit and for that, I'm sorry, my lieblings. Truth be told, my acting world hasn't had much excitement recently. Tomorrow, however, that changes!

Tomorrow is the first read-through for The Dark Things, an original play in which I play Joanie. It's a great (disturbing, but great) play and I cannot wait to dive into it and tweak things and really create a character from the ground up. It's a great opportunity and I'll be chronicling as it gains momentum.

The audition a couple weeks ago was great. It reminded me of Improv class (not VBI which will forever be my among my top three favourite college classes) and it was great to do any acting exercises at all and then the warm reads were so much fun!

It's all starting up again, people. I can't wait to share all the moments that remind me that acting is what I am meant to do with my life. Every fiber of me knows this and every fiber of me is going to pursue my career for the rest of my life.

Seatbelts on, people, I've got the engine running.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Bullies Don't Have to Win; I'm Living Proof

Four kids are dead. Congress halted the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, states still have bans on gay marriage and gay adoption and sometimes teachers look the other way when they're uncomfortable with the bullying they see. That doesn't change the fact:

Four kids are dead.

Right now I want to talk to the fifth kid, the one who's still contemplating suicide. Don't. I know it sucks to be a gay kid in America right now. Maybe you're hiding and it's eating away at you; maybe you're not hiding and you're being bullying to your limits. Bullying also sucks. It breaks your heart and slows the development of your soul. It makes you try to figure out how to get a gun or whether your ceiling fan is sturdy enough to hang yourself from or how many pills you need to take to end it all. I've been there; I've done those same calculations myself.

So I need you to listen to me, right now, as someone who's stood in your shoes. It gets better. Yes, it takes time, years sometimes, but I promise you it does. Have faith. I don't mean religion here, I mean faith in your wonderful self.

Remember something else: it's NOT a problem. It's NOT a disease, a handicap, a choice and it doesn't make you less than anyone else. It's part of who you are. You're a sister. You're a brother. You're a friend. You're a best friend. You're a son. You're a daughter. You're a good athlete. You're a good artist. You're good at math. You're good at science. You're Jewish. You're Christian. You're Muslim. You're a skateboarder. You're a gamer. You're gay. You're a lesbian. You're bisexual. You're transgendered. You are what you are. There are many different sides to you and no one has a right to make you feel bad about yourself. You can live through the bullying. People do and I want to count you in our rainbow of a community. You should live a long, full, wonderful life because that's the best revenge. That's the way to show them they haven't won, they haven't broken you down. The contentment that can one day be yours is the best feeling in the world.

As for right now, though? You're going to feel sad and angry and want to scream and to sob and just want it to stop. You'll do anything to just make it stop. If you kill yourself, then everyone'll be sorry, right? Then they'll appreciate you. True, but wouldn't you rather have them appreciate you while you're still alive to enjoy it? So, talk to someone: a parent, a trusted friend, a teacher, heck talk to your pillow because sometimes you just need to get the feelings out. Eventually you stop screaming. Eventually the tears dry up. Even you get away from the bully. Eventually you go to another school. Eventually you make more friends. Eventually you learn to drive. Eventually you get to vote for change. Eventually you fall in love with someone who loves you back. You should do all those things. Please, please, please when you're thinking about committing suicide? Don't Put down the gun, the noose or the pills; pick up a phone and call a help line. Wait until the middle of the night if you feel like you have to, but call because believe me, it helps. Here's the number to the Trevor Project, a 24-hour confidential helpline: 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386) or go to their website at and write a Dear Trevor letter. Write these things down and keep them nearby when you need reassurance the most. They can save your life and I hope they do.

As for everyone else, the adults reading this: we need to do something because apparently what we were doing wasn't enough. We need to give these kids someone their own age they can look up to. Someone's who doesn't hide behind Broadway showtunes and a love of clothes, but openly admits who they are. Because kids are figuring themselves out pretty fast and we need to start keeping up. So do something, whatever you do best. I'm writing this monologue of a post because I'm an actress and a writer. If you're a teacher and you hear or see bullying, stop it. No matter what your beliefs may be, stop it. Because your beliefs are not as important as a child's life! Show these kids that suicide isn't the answer. Show kids that bullying is wrong. Educate all kids, not just the GLBT ones, that there's nothing wrong with being gay. In the 1960s, we started teaching kids in big ways and small that racism was wrong. So, let's start teaching kids, hell, let's start teaching everyone that homophobia is just as wrong. Because something's not working and it's up to all of us to fix it!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Extra, Extra, Read All About It

Okay, it took a week but I finally get around to writing about being an extra on Leverage.

First of all, wow! It was boring and fun and tedious and the most fun I'd had all week. Shuffling around the auditorium a thousand times, reconfiguring positions, looking excited to see someone I couldn't see for the pillar in the way, and best of all! I was chosen with three other girls to actually do some mini-acting bits. The camera pans away as I start my thing, so I may never see it, but I'll know I was there: laying down my flowers, making the sign of the cross, muttering 'prayers' under my breath. At one point, I was told I had good timing. Well, damn if I didn't glow!

I met some nice new people and actually had social interaction. I know, my lieblings, I'm just as shocked as you are. Some nice guys to talk to, one wants to date me (I think, but then what do I know about that nonsense?), but you know me, a lone wolf. *howls* Married to the job. Also saving myself and my virtue for Nick Stahl. Or Jensen Ackles and Danneel Harris. *winks*

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Out of the Clear Blue...Gosh, Tom Lenk Has Pretty Blue Eyes...

So, I went to Tom Lenk's (he was on Buffy and on Broadway in Rock of Ages) one-man show last night. Oh. My. Collins. Head-Thrown-Back-ingly funny and sweet and plenty of theatre jokes for me to squee over.

He talked about lots of things: difficulty in relationships and the lack thereof, bedbug attacks that he could credibly liken to vampires because he's worked with vampires before, and an audience illustrated (I kid not) story of really sucky things that happened to him. But it was all the theatre jokes, the random bursting out into song (I do that too!), and the references to Broadway (one of maybe three people who knew who Alice Ripley was!) made me remember that theatre is my first love. Sure, I'm currently begging around for film/tv work, but theatre, ahhhh theatre. That's what energizes me like nothing else. And it seems Tom Lenk (who's so sweet and adorable and is descended from a long line of elves, apparently) feels much the same I do. That's awesome!

It really was a Nerdgasm and a Geekspasm!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Both a Prayer and a Plea

Dear Thespis (once again, you seem the best to direct this to),

I really want to work as an actress. I really would appreciate any help you could send my way in getting that dream going soon as possible. This is what I'm meant to do, I know that in every part of me.

I want to work sixteen to eighteen hour days. I want to get up at the asscrack of dawn. I want to exhaust myself entirely and then come back and do it all again the next day. I want to be so emotionally drained that I come home and sob until I've got a headache. I want to sit in a room of friends and bury my face in a pillow every time I'm on-screen. I want to take a curtain call and get so much applause I just want to cry with happiness. I want table-reads that turn into dinners with new friends. I want to work with those people whose work I admire so much right now. I want that moment of panic when I think I'm going to forget my next line, only to already be saying it. I want to be pushed to my limit and realise that I have more I can give. I want to be invited to be a guest at Comic-Con and various other cons I'd love to go to anyway. I want to travel to a hundred places I never knew I could fall in love with. I want to work in Vancouver, Canada when the temperature is in the single digits and I have to run around just to stay warm. I want to be in the desert, pretending it's the middle of winter and sweating into my clothes. I want to be on a gag reel, messing up and laughing along with everyone else.

I want all this and a thousand other little things I can only get with my chosen career. And that's what acting is to me: a career to follow for the rest of my life. I can think of nothing else in the world I want more. Please send a little help my way, oh Mighty Thespis.

Love, Beth

Thursday, July 22, 2010


Sadly, I've been unable to do a lot of acting these past couple months. If you know me at all, you can expect me to be climbing the walls soon if something doesn't happen. I act for the same reason I write and breathe: I'd die if I didn't.

What has really helped me stave off the wall-climbing is that I have been able to see some fantastic shows, especially these past few days. Kane, as always, was rowdy and loud and perfect (even got a picture with Steve *squees*). I thought I'd sit through the show, but no, not physically possible at all. I had to get up and dance and sing along and throw up my hands. This always happens.

What did surprise me, honestly, is that last night at the Adam Lambert concert (my friend Chelsea had an extra ticket), I felt much the same. Two opening acts and then a very long pause waiting for Adam, I almost begged off. But I swore to myself that, even if my feet never forgave me, I'd stay through a few songs. Cripes, we were super close to the stage and it felt necessary to convey a sense of thanks to Chelsea. Turns out, did not need to leave because once the show started, I was In The Zone. I didn't listen to a single one of his songs, but I started singing along once I caught the choruses and dancing and throwing my hands up.

That's the thing: a great show, whether you're lucky enough to be in it or just watching it, brings out an exhilaration in me that I get nowhere else. It's the world's best kind of drug and all-natural too.

What amused me what my People's reactions to the show, which I'd like to share with you now:
Jared-thought he had 'Jensen' lips and now wants glam!Jensen
Jensen-just got jealous of how closely Jared was studying Adam
Dan-believes life will not be complete until he tricks/dares/seduces Casey into eyeliner (he and Jared have become a scheming sort of friendship. I sense a new Spot/Owen friendship here...Collins help us all)
Curt-"Why isn't he singing one of my songs?"
Arthur-"I'm sure he meant to, luv."
Mimi-left Gloria with Joanne and reverted to her former, crazy self and loved it!
Priestly-"I swear I was made more deaf by the teenagers than the music." "Elvis should either be proud of this guy or punch him in the face."
Dean F-gave a valiant effort, but had to beg off (not used to concerts)
Brian and Justin-buggered off at the start of "Strut", at least Jack and Ianto (H-J) made it halfway through the song before living for more horizonal territory
Crowley and Aziraphale- were both appalled by Adam, for reasons they didn't give
Amneris-is in love with Adma's wardrobe
Roger-stole all the guitar picks I caught
Mark-blinded by glitter, left early
Angel-took notes and made notes
Anthony-drooled over Adam
Adam-glared at Adam, muttering, "I'm the only rock god named Adam...grr..."
Gwen-secretly watched; don't tell Rhys
Sally-shrugged and said none of the guitar players were better than Gentry
Gentry-in awe of the substitute guitarist
Wash-just wondered how Adam Lambert ever existed in our world
Sam and Dean W-are still mad at me for the chucepacubra (however you spell it) thing...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

And I'm Feeling...Good

So after over ten whole days without acting, I finally did an audition tonight (once I found the place and for Pete's sake, Portland! Number your buildings conspiciously!). I did my Harper's monologue from Angels in America and then did a movement exercise with one of the directors. She had us go through it multiple times (we needed all the repetition we could get!) and then perform it twice for her. Then the other director came in and had two of the girls do an improvised scene. We finally we given an element (mine was Water) to give movement to.

I think I did very well with my monologue, used up the frustration of getting there and channeled it into Harper. The movement went okay, although I think I was off-beat a bit. My representation of Water was silly and definitely the first thing that came to my head. The only thing that saddened me was that I didn't get to do the improv. It seemed like a meaty scene and I felt more could have been done with it, but alas...

Still, it felt good to act and to be choreographed again. Revived my love for my job at the minute I needed it most!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

The True Meaning of NOMNOMNOM

So, Portland Farmer's Market for the first time today and I just have to say:

*can't say anything, as if busy shoving face full of sweet cherries*

Brought $20, managed (somehow) to make it out of there for less than that. Granted $.80 less than that, but whatever.

1. Cherry/strawberry/lavender (they put lavender in EVERYTHING, I swear!) jam that tastes like everything I love in a jam. All I need to do is spread it on some chocolate and I'm pretty sure I can have a food-gasm. -$6.50
2. Three very tiny, little sandwich cookies that are the cutest, yummiest things ever! Swear I'm buying a dozen next time! -$2.25
3. Pint of strawberries. Walked the entire thing, but I finally found the cheapest pints with the biggest strawberries-$2.50
4. Half a pound of sweet cherries that I shoveled into a bag and then into my mouth and am hiding in the kitchen so I won't devour them all (p.s. they'll be gone by tonight, I'm sure)-$2.95
5. Yummy-smelling (it's over there waiting for it to be lunchtime) Italian sausage sandwich with onions and peppers. -$5.00
Total of $19.20

But so nummy! I am going to be budgeting this $20 into my groceries every week, obviously!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Rest, Relaxation, and...Other Things That Also Begins With R

So, I think I'm finally settled in here. As settled as I can be until my furniture and stuff from Florida arrives anyway.

Now begins the work of...getting work. I'm signed up with the extras company, so hopefully something in there will come to fruition. Also, checking the Call Board to see if there's any (hopefully paying) work going. I've put in my applications online to a couple local places and all I can really do now is hope that something happens...somewhere...and someone pays me to do something I'd like to do.

Failing that, I'm re-reading Belle du Jour's books and becoming a high-class city call girl. I'm joking...I'm almost entirely joking, my lieblings.

Monday, July 5, 2010

On Meeting Your Heroes

"You should never meet your heroes."

Now, maybe the person who coined that phrase had a just reason to say so. but in my case, it's all total bull. I've already met Anthony Rapp (several times) and found him to be a thoughtful, sweet, doll of a man.
Well today I had another dream come true. I met Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton was my first love (along with Jonathan Taylor Thomas) and for me to meet him, to look at him in the pale, scrawny flesh and manage to make sentences happen was amazing. I told him I was an actor and writer and that he was an inspiration to me. I neglected to mention he's been my hero for...well, ever (I sent him a twitter message to correct this oversight). He seemed genuinely interested in knowing what I write and encouraged me to keep at it. I got a picture *points down* with him and I could barely breathe. My hand is still slightly shaky.

That's the kind of actor I want to be. Someone who can walk down the street anonymously (as he did, heading to the MAX line), but can still find that loyal band of fans who think you're the bees knees. I don't want to make millions every film or be on the cover of fashion magazines; I want to be a guest at cons I'd want to go to anyway and work with these amazing people I already so love and admire. Like Wil Wheaton. He's my hero, simple as that. And meeting him? Was totally awesome!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Every Story has a Beginning...

So, I am pretty settled into my Portland apartment now. Portland, Oregon...I just never expected to end up here. By that same token, I never expected to end up going to college in St. Augustine, FL but that was a fantastic experience I wouldn't trade for the chance to meet Wil Wheaton. Which I will do. Tomorrow. I think I officially love Portland.

There's times like this that I think of that Garth Brooks song: "Unanswered Prayers". I think, *looks around at her own apartment, living alone for the first time ever* this may just be fantastic, my lieblings. It might maybe may, indeed.