Monday, April 4, 2011

Nothing to Fear But the Everything

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I didn't forget exactly, I just didn't remember at a time when I could think of a subject. But, fear not, now I have!

Fear. I could do an audition on Wednesday afternoon/early evening, but there's a good chance I will not. Why? Because I am afraid. It's not the fear of not being chosen or the fear of performing (I have never suffered from that particular affliction). It's that it's across town and I'd have to take buses and know when to get off and back on and buy tickets and have the correct change and try to navigate around a part of town I've never been to before. In short, I can't go to the audition (well, I could but you get what I mean) because I am a great, big, COWARD.

On my own behalf, I'd point out this audition will not earn me any money, nor is there proof that if I got a part I'd make money or be called up by anyone who can help me move my career along. But I also could get the part, have it make the rounds and be seen by people who should see it. It's this way with every audition ever.

I probably won't go to the audition. Every time I audition I always try to convince myself not to. I spent the whole day before and the walk to Limelight talking myself out of auditioning for BLW and in the end, I didn't listen to myself and got a part and was part of a wonderful show with a truly fantastic cast. It's all about weighing the difficulties with the envisioned reward. I did the BLW audition because I could walk to the theatre, I'd been there once before and I liked the show.

This audition isn't my kind of thing, I'd have to do the aforementioned bus transferring (which is another thing that scares the hell out of me) and I don't see it taking off in a significant way (should it win an Oscar for Best Short Film I promise to dance naked in the courtyard).

The worst thing is there isn't a lot of acting opportunities in my easy-to-get-to radius. Which is why I'm looking for another kind of job, one I won't want to do, but will keep me afloat. I don't look forward to it, but this is the path I am taking. I'll pay my dues and you can keep the change.

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